Today FTW

I'm being productive and having fun.

Disenfranchised and Distanced

Disenfranchised by the concept of 'love' and now my cynicism is turning into self-fulfilling prophecy.

How can I search out something that I don't believe exists? The things I know of it are what I've experienced, and the thing I've felt is an unfulfilled, momentary promise of joy with a backlash of endless agony. Enough of a glimpse of euphoria for the loss of it to leave a burn. Cruel cauterizing cravings kill me.

I'm so marred, I wrote this lyric to vent frustrated misunderstanding of the world.


Four Letter Word

I refuse to say the word.
the four letters of disgust
the idea of it absurd
a euphemism for “lust”?

It starts with an l, and yes it's lame
but that's not it word for word
rhymes with “shove” but brings more pain
most vile sound I've heard.

Let's all realize and admit
the thing I'm speaking of
is total, grade A b*****it
There's no such thing as L***.


Weird how most people write l*** poems, and I write poetry saying how bogus it is. I just know that one day I'll crawl out of this fog that has shrouded blah blah blah blah emoblog blah blah...oops, I zoned out there, what was I talking about? oh yeah... <_<

...crap, I'm going to nom my words... I hope I don't regret the things I make public to the internet at large. I'm okay with it if you want to scold me or laugh at me or hate me. That'll be fine. No one reads this anyway right?

I would sacrifice myself if I wasn't so good at whistling.

These sage words are a metaphor for life.

Denial down the Nile

My life is a joke and I'm waiting for the punchline.


...It had better be good.

Hooray! I got something in the mail!

I got my monkey coaster in the mail today! I had been awaiting eagerly and now it has arrived.




Abounding cheer.

Proposal Down the Disposal

When I meet that special someone, I will ask her to marry me. And when I do, it'll be in the most original way ever. More original than anything you've ever heard of.

It will be hidden in a puzzle, a song, or an interpretive dance, or maybe a complex sequence of history-changing world events all orchestrated by me alone, and they will all lead up to me slowly taking to one knee, looking up into her eyes and holding out a shiny diamond ring.... During a bright red sunset, standing high atop the smoldering wreckage of some colossal war machine (which we just destroyed), in a desolate and bleary wasteland in the middle of Africa. And also world peace will be achieved that day.

...or the cliche'd and tired ol' "Will ya marreh meh?"...

Eat your Lollered Greens

Redmeat.com

So funny. Some pretty vuglar stuff in there, but still, super-funny.

Vuglar. Vugly, even.

Rapid Eye Misuse

I almost looked at some softcore just now. But I decided to blog instead. It's called a cycle for a reason. I'm so tired. It's something to look flowered to tonight.

Picture Future

It's that feeling when you look at a picture... usually a piece of art... and you feel that it must, in some way, say something about your personal future.

It's the same as Deja vu, only run backwards, and shinier.

The World is a Loud Place

I keep hearing people around me -as I dink around on campus- who have their headphones turned up loud enough for me to hear it. Silly noise-loving people. I don't know what it takes to get ear damage, but it seems to me they may be risking it.

To quote um... -a quick googling shows that it's Aristotle- "Everything in moderation..." Is that a good standard of living?

Sadder than electricity.

I'm sad. You're probably wanting me to do something about it. There's nothing I can do. And that's why, like electricity, I am blue.

Haha, that's pathetic. It would be just awful if I were actually like that.

Seriously... never forget the things you learn.

A very wise-ass man once told me this:

Shoot your problems the bird and totally flip out on something. Buy a pinata. It's less insane that way.

It sounded so right, so unearthly, so lyrical. I had to google the words to see if they weren't passages of Confucius' teachings or at least lyrics written by an inspired musician.

Man, I need a life. >_>

One of these days...

I realized I write some pretty weird/off-putting junk in this blog. And I have the feeling that if I don't keep mindful of the nature of the internet, one of these days I'll end up writing something about how bitter/depressed I am about something (when I'm really not, but I just like to complain to the abyss (a.k.a. this pointless blog)) and like, my grandmom will comment and say something like "Cheer up, Bradley, your Grandmom loves you. If you're really feeling that down why don't you come over, I've got some fresh-baked cookies."

...and somehow that's the last thing I want to happen. It would be embarrassing... But it's not like it happened in front of anyone. Can I be embarrassed about something that no-one else even witnessed? Weird thought...

I don't think anybody reads this thing -least of all my grandmom- but, just in case; Hi Grandmom!

Dream of Day

Mostly the things I daydream about are ways to waste my time. Not just a few hours. A few years.

It's not intentional. It just happens. It's just a phase.

You, the world, doesn't need me to be this way.

Like eyes adjusting to bright light...

...I will change.

Sighs Matters

*sigh*

Nothing ever happens to me. My paths are not the ones I want.


But they're safe.


*sigh*




...Whatever "safe" is.

Estoy Feliz

What have your feelings ever gotten you?





I can't think of anything of significance... and yet... I do so, so much to play to my feelings. I'm such a sucker for my emotions and yet it's all for naught.




But I keep trying because I want it to matter... just once.... let it matter..........









It's cold when you're alone.

Magnanimous

I didn't know what it meant, so I looked up "magnanimous" It's such a cool word. One thing I hope to accomplish in life is to be called magnanimous.

˙ǝuo sıɥʇ ɹoɟ uʍop ǝpısdn uǝǝɹɔs ɹnoʎ pןoɥ

˙ʎɐpoʇ ʇɐɥʇ oʇuı ʇǝƃ oʇ ǝɯıʇ ǝʌɐɥ ʇ,uop ı 'ƃuɐp
˙pןɹoʍ ǝɥʇ oʇ ssǝןǝsn ǝɹɐ ʎǝɥʇ ʇɐɥʇ pɐǝp-uıɐɹq ʎןqɐʌıƃɹoɟun os ˙ǝʌǝıןǝq oʇ ƃuıןןıʍ sǝɯıʇǝɯos ǝɹɐ ǝןdoǝd ʇɐɥʇ sƃuıɥʇ snoןnɔıpıɹ ʎןǝʇnןosqɐ ǝɥʇ ʇnoqɐ ʍoɥ ¿ʇsod ǝpısdn uoıʇıpǝ ןɐıɔǝds sıɥʇ uı ʇnoqɐ ǝʇıɹʍ oʇ ʇɐɥʍ 'ʎɐʍʎuɐ
˙ɟןǝsʇı uıɥʇıʍ uʍop-ǝpısdn uǝǝɹɔs ɹnoʎ dıןɟ oʇ pǝsoddns s,ʇı ʇnq 'nʇunqn uı ǝʇɐɹǝdo ʎןןɐɔıdʎʇ ı ǝsnɐɔǝq ɟןǝsʎɯ ʇı pǝıɹʇ ʇ,uǝʌɐɥ ı ˙dn+ʇןɐ+ןɹʇɔ ʎɹʇ oʇ ʇuɐʍ ʎɐɯ noʎ 'sʍopuıʍ ƃuısn ǝɹ,noʎ ɟı

I Stand On My Toes

There are a lot of things you can do with your master toe if you put your mind to it. I once wrote an entire twitter update typing with my master toe.
Here's some other things you can do:
Stop a car, turn on a flashlight, buy insurance, point at Asian people, murder a bug, kick a ball, spread some peanut butter, turn off the lights, open a door, touch your other master toe (very difficult), keep rhythm, skateboard, support your entire body weight (using both, and with practice), and write sweet nothings in the sand.

Let's show some love for the master toe. By the lack of power vested in me by no authority of anything, I hereby declare today (or whenever you read this) National Master Toe Day. I'm being completely ridiculous.

And where is inspiration born?

In reference to last blog entry, here's a site that does part of it for you.

http://www.fourteenminutes.com/fun/words/

I love listening to what that site has to tell me.

Everyone's good at something

I think that everyone is good at something. Some people are good at two things and some three, some even more and those people are called Renaissance Humaen. But nobody is good at nothing. I believe this because there are so many *things* you can do. If you think you aren't good at anything I'm certain you just haven't tried the thing you're good at. Or perhaps you have, and you haven't recognized it.

That said, it doesn't mean that everyone is good at something useful

I think that I've discovered what I'm good at, and it is making up words. I do it all day in my head, combining words, inventing suffixes, throwing letters around, reversing and jumbling words... all to form glorious new words!

And it's really fun! I enjoy every moment of it. I wish there were a culture for word inventing... like if there were large conventions with people sitting at booths with pages of words they've made up. People would be milling around buying new words, networking, socializing, collaborating...
This is why I like urban dictionary, it's the closest thing I have to that. But alas, half the creative energy goes into explanations of sexual innuendos and other perverted or worldly practices... (and a large majority of the other half goes towards parameterizing 1337 SP34K!) MLIA...

Here's some words I made up, with the meanings I made to go with them, though they could mean anything since they're undefined except by me. And I'm not Shakespeare, Merriam or Webster or anyone who somehow acquired the right (or authority?) to define the meanings of words.

Nommerva - Java that eats things
Saufacle - those thick-rimmed acetate glasses hipsters wear.
brike - a pirate cussword meaning both solid and liquid waste together.
Galves - On's friend's son. What a cute nickname... (I didn't make this one up but I'm kinda obsessed with eyezmaze)
eufane - Something that is beautiful in it's unholiness
Nirvanha - A feeding frenzy of calm euphoria. Pure joy erupting inside, but a calm precise focused energy externally.

There is plenty more... but I don't want to go on forever. Maybe later!

It feels like heavy rain.

Just a calming ssshhhhh of soul-cleansing boooosshhhhh.

It's a Nick-Nack Paddywack

*from somewhere toward the back of the room*
"your mom's a nick-nack!"

I'll ignore that.

Last entry was a farce, none of it actually happened.

But it was fun to imagine.

(that was probably obvious.)

A lot less painful to the jaw and toothbones.

This blog won "most forgettable blog of the year" from Lord Halstingdingtingworth.

Ah, no it didn't... there are millions of readerless blogs across the interwebs.

I won't cry as long as my parents aren't readers...

Can Your Chompers Hold You Up?

I was thinking just now wondering if you could hold your full body weight with just your teeth. This thought probably stemmed from a scene in Lemony Snicket's A Series of Unfortunate Events in which Sunny is hanging from the table she is firmly biting onto. The human body is an amazing thing, and I'm often surprised and astounded by it's capabilities, So who knows? Maybe doing something like that is quite possible.

Anyway, this wouldn't be a multi-million page-view blog if I wasn't the type to actually pursue experimental data regarding my ideas. So, as surely as there are hundreds of you reading this today, I did a few experiments.

First, to test the feasibility of this notion on a small scale, i grabbed my backpack (approx. 25 lbs.) with my teeth and picked it up. Not too difficult, not painful on the teeth either.

Next, I wanted to repeat the experiment with something heavier, something between my weight (approx. 169.7 lbs) and my backpack's weight. what's about 100 pounds that I can bite and get a good grip, using all my teeth? A 100 lb bag of mulch. It was a bit awkward because of it's size, but I stood up on a chair, and carefully balancing, I was able to squat down and grab it, making sure it was secure in my teeth, then slowly lift it. I got it about 3 inches off the ground, but it hurt my teeth and I didn't want to lose any.

Would I be able to lift something 70 lbs. heavier?

to be continued! (with pics and emergency room visit!)

Googely Moogely the Great McDoogaly

If I ever get a pet rat, That is what I would name him. I'd call him Mcdoogals for short.

Oh. How I want a pet rat.

p.s. I'm back.

Confucious wuz here

He starts almost all sentences with "Confucious say..." it was awesome. Here are some of the jewels of wisdom he offered:

man who stand on toilet... is high on pot
man with hand in pocket feel cocky all day
time flies like a bird... fruit flies like bananas


That's all I can remember for now.

Hydrophile

Water.

Cleanser. Life-giver. Cycle.

Perfect to drink.

The Fiesty Worm

Some people are unexpectedly outrageous. I call it the fiesty worm. Don't be those people. You might get it from the name-calling police.

I am Herculolz

And yet I don't trust myself to walk that street. I go the long way. May my precautions save my soul.

Do you wanna?

Every time I get into a weird situation I like it even more than the last. I've found myself reaching further everyday, trying to grasp the unimagined; the bizarre. In life's many adventures I've witnessed enough to make a book and thought to myself that the stories should be written down. Blogging has always struck me as a weird idea, but for once I'm okay with that and indeed I turn to it now to create my own weird blog. ...It's not the drugs... it's the chimeras. I'm halfway between whether I should write things I hold true OR write in the realm of fiction. But I needn't decide; I'll just write and let you draw your own conclusions... or never even conclude anything at all. it's what you would do anyway.